OK, y'all, this one is NOT for the constitutionally weak.

Trufax: I am SOOO not shy about my bodily functions.  This post is your first introduction on why I put an adult content rating on my blog.

I learn the  most fascinating things via Google.  Tonight's Search-A-Lesson:  labia zits.

TMI ALERT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  IN FACT, YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE THE NAVIGATION MENU TO SKIP OVER THIS IF YOU ARE, IN FACT, SQUEAMISH ABOUT VAGOO-TALK.

Did you know women can get blister-like swellings on their labia?  I mean, I did before tonight because I've had one a couple of times since puberty, but I didn't know how common it was until I got the bright idea to Google "labia zits".  Relevant to my interests and all -- my stress levels and hormone levels have combined in a Voltron-like manner to inflict all sorts of interesting issues on my poor body.  

Apparently, these pus- and blood-filled bubbles of pain and itching are blocked pores or something.  There's a bit of argument as to what they're caused by, but it's universally agreed that it's not an STI or disease; it's an uncomfortable side effect of being a biological creature with pores that ooze stuff and occasionally get blocked.  No biggie.

I'm wondering why there isn't some kind of public awareness campaign about this.  Granted, pussy-zits aren't exactly a sexy issue to address (like gonorrhea is either, but at least chlamydia has a cool, floral-like name), but you'd think more women would be aware of how depressingly normal it is to get crotch-eruptions on occasion, especially as they get older.

I'm rather lucky.  I'm not terribly shy about investigating the sack of meat I'm inhabiting, and when I first suffered one of these, my natural reaction was ew ew ew lance it and clean it out so it will heal OW FUCKER THAT FUCKING HURT hee neat blood ow ow OW ow oh hey it feels much better now.  It was gone by the next day.  Some women let these things sit around because they're shy about it, and are in misery for months!

So ladies!  If you get a painful, round swelling on your labia, go see your gyno and get it checked out.  If you're like me and you're squeaky-clean (except for your annoying extra bump Down There), you can probably get away with lancing and cleaning it when it happens again, and save yourself a LOT of discomfort!

PROTIP:  Don't squeeze, for the love of all that is holy!  That HURTS and does NOTHING.  The pus-bubble is usually several skin layers down.  You'll probably need a needle or sharp pair of tweezers to get to it.  I don't think I need to cover the rest of the procedure; we've all been zit-poppin' teens, right?

... Right?

Anyway, CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN.  I'm not talking douching (that's not good for your va-jay-jay anyway), but keeping the outer surfaces clean.  I've heard tea tree oil is good for 'em, too, but haven't tried that myself.  

Seriously, it's insane how common this is, but I had to find out how common via Google.