Friday, April 10, 2009


Every once in a while, an adult (and I use the term loosely, especially in my case) woman finds that she is bored out of her skull.  If that woman is me, chances are she finds herself not only bored, but dangerously bored.  The kind of bored that ends up with my roommate begging me to at least get drunk first.  I'm not sure if this is out of wild hope that I will promptly do enough tequila shots to prevent my intended course of action or simple blind desperation.  Considering my previous combination of bored + drunk ended up with me in the bathroom, sobbing as I tried to figure out how to get the wax strip out of my buttcrack without having to yank... I'm not sure what she was thinking, either.

Backing up a little.

About a week ago (as some of you who watch me on Facebook and/or Twitter may already know), I plucked out all the hair in my right armpit.  It didn't really hurt much, and I've enjoyed a week (and counting) of nice, smooth armpit -- a welcome change from the usual post-shave stubble that inevitably appears the next day.  I discussed my pleasure with my smooth underarm with my sister, who informed me that she had actually waxed hers.  I was in awe.  I mean, I was already in awe at her recent self-inflicted Brazilian, but the fact that she had waxed her armpits?  

Unbeknownst to all, I began making my little plans.

I am a scientifically-minded soul, and I quickly realized I had a wonderful opportunity on my hands: I could compare plucking and waxing as epilation methods!  I decided that the fact that I had plucked a full week and change before endeavoring to wax was irrelevant; I was interested in comparing the processes.

So, I found my wax, heated it up in the microwave, turned down tequila shots, and went to work.

The first yank was the worst.  I squealed quite a bit, and if it hadn't been for the sight of all those yoinked hairs, I might have made my way over to the liquor before continuing.  However, I was bolstered by that mini-forest of removed growth, and bravely yanked again.  (Squealed like a bitch, too, but hey.  Sometimes hollering helps.)  It didn't hurt as much that time, and by the third pull, the process was just funny.

Especially with Irk and my kids looking at me like I had utterly lost my mind.

It took three good smears of wax to get the hair off, and then I had to go in with the tweezers to get the stragglers.  Irk whimpered over the blood (which was minimal, really; what did she expect?  I was yanking out BITS OF MY BODY), my kids hid on the stairs where they couldn't see me, and I laughed and mentally grouched over the fact that the wax bits clinging to the stray hairs was making the tweezers stick.  It took about ten minutes to clean up, even though there's still some lingering tackiness from the wax.

So, about twenty minutes of effort for a matching pair of smooth underarms.  Worth it!

The results, in Pros and Cons:


  • Smooth finish
  • Mostly painless -- more like scratching a deep-skin itch
  • Takes up a lot of time if bored and not wanting to be productive
  • Slow regrowth
  • Regrowth is finer
  • No residue
  • Takes a LONG DAMN TIME
  • Crick in the neck from having to twist and distort to see entire armpit


  • Quick!
  • Witnesses to the process make the BEST faces
  • Warm  wax on skin a really pleasant sensation
  • Not having cricks and strains from having to contort
  • Long-lasting results
  • Regrowth not stubbly
  • OW! (but only at first)
  • Left armpit now kind of sticky from wax residue
  • Still had to pluck the stragglers
  • Wax bits in the keyboard (note to self: perhaps not waxing at the computer would be ideal)

And, for fairness sake, Shaving

  • Quick
  • Painless, unless you're sloppy

  • Razor burns kind of suck
  • Fast regrowth

So, I really think I'm going to make waxing my new hair removal method of choice (with a side of plucking).  We'll see if I can keep up the brave front when I make my attempt on my bikini area, though!  I'm cautiously optimistic -- I remember The Butt Incident pretty clearly (even though I was WASTED, but seriously, who could forget THAT?), and it really didn't hurt too bad after the first couple good yanks, so.

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